What No One Tells You About Your Baby's Name

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As you start to consider the different options for your developing child's name, keep in mind the fact that no one ever tells you – you do not get the final say so on what the kid will be called. You might think this indignity will not be a problem until they are in school (at which point, you hope you will have so engrained said child with your name of choice), but the fact is, naming issues start before the ink on the birth certificate is dry.

Family, for instance, will seldom bow to your wishes. You might want to call your daughter Elizabeth. Right away, Grandma will make it clear that she once knew an Elizabeth who was a terrible, terrible person and it reminds her of this evil being. Therefore, she will never use that name. Instead, she will call your daughter by her middle name.

If you're funded, only one grandparent will revolt at your chosen name. But with four different individuals (more if there has been a divorce and remarriage), you've got a good shot of unwelcome nicknames. Grandpa, for instance, thinks "Betty" (or worse, "Bitty") is superior to Elizabeth. Heck, "Bitty Betty" might carry the day. Or the reverse could be true; you may want to call her Betty, while Grandpa insists that he will only call her by the name on the birth certificate.

Add in a smorgasboard of other random folks, including the man (or woman) on the street, and you could wind up with some sort of insane nickname. If Elizabeth has an older, toddler-aged sibling, the nickname that sticks may well be near close to her name. Yes, your daughter may well be called "Wawa" for the first ten years of her life, until she is old enough to kick enough people's butt and change it.

Of course, the loss of your naming right only prepares you for the almost total loss of control you'll have over the entire rest of your child's life. Heck, you will not even be able to control what clothes they're wearing the first month of their life, thanks to spitup and exploding diapers. And just wait until they're teenagers!

Nope, your best course of action is to come up with some completely insane name, like Dskoioweir, and let the kid take control when they're old enough.

They may even decide to like it.

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